You have always known your parents to be the caregivers. From helping you with your homework, to scheduling your doctor appointments, and taking care of a skinned knee when you decided to tie a skateboard to the back of a bicycle (Not saying that was me, just saying, 'Thank you, mom and dad!').

    Your parents have always been the ones who have been there when you needed them. But, recently you have been hit with the warning signs that they are now the ones who need care. If you have noticed any of the following behaviors, then it may be time to have ‘The Talk.’

• Poor hygiene
  
• Bills not being paid
• Expired food in the refrigerator
• Family members overwhelmed and exhausted from demands of the parent
• Housekeeping has declined
• Evidence of incontinence
• Mood swings or depression
• Frequent falls
• Car accidents or incidents
• Poor diet
• Prescription medicine management - either over taking medication or not taking at all

    Having this talk with your parents is going to be an emotional event. Part of the talk will be exploring all of your options - deciding who will care for your parents, where the caregiving will occur, and how to pay for it. It is best for you, as the adult child, to know your options and have a plan of action in place beforehand. Here are 8 Tips for Having ‘The Talk’ with Elderly Parents to get you started.

    If you and your parents decide that in-home care will be best, you’ll then need to choose who will be the caregiver. You have the option of using a company, a friend, or a family member to provide care. Regardless of your decision, Medicaid benefits and Veteran’s benefits may be available to help cover the cost.

    It is important to note, any payments made to an individual without a properly executed care contract will be considered a “gift” by the State and will cost your family months of potential Medicaid eligibility. If, however, you do have a properly executed care contract, any payments made will not cause penalties and will count towards the “Medicaid spend down” and help your parents qualify for Medicaid benefits more quickly.

    If you are an in-home caregiver there are a couple of things to remember: When a child has cared for their parent in their parents’ home for a period of at least two years, Medicaid will allow the parents to transfer their home to that child penalty free. This transfer is referred to as the Caretaker Child Exemption. When the child is caring for their parents in their own home, Medicaid will allow the parents to pay rent, in addition to making care payments, so long as a rental agreement has been properly drafted and executed.

    If you do decide to use a friend or family member to care for your parents, we recommend you consult and elder law attorney who can guide you through the financial pitfalls and Medicaid land-mines of at-home care.

    When in-home care isn’t the best solution for your family, the next step is finding residential placement for your parents that has a care component, whether that be an assisted living facility or nursing home. If you and your family are overwhelmed with this process, you may want to reach out to someone local to your area that knows these residential communities well and will tour them with you until you find that right fit. There are several companies in the Kansas City area that provide this service and we have created a list of them here for you.

    Regardless of where you are in the process of finding care for your parents, contacting and elder law attorney would be prudent. It’s never too early to get the right estate planning documents in place and to discuss what benefits your parents may be eligible for now or in the future. And, unlike what you may have heard, it’s also never too late to plan. Don’t start selling your parents’ home and spending down their assets until you’ve made sure you have been educated by someone who is knowledgeable.